2022 is the year of knowing your worth.
Social media is awash with dating and relationship advice, especially now that online dating has become the most popular way that couples meet (a figure that has grown from an estimated 20% in 2006 to over 50% in 2020).
As we look out onto 2022, we thought it would be a good time to up the relationship game by acknowledging three (hard) truths that may help you reacquaint yourself with your inner baddie; the person who knows exactly who she is, knows what amazing gifts she brings to the table, and knows what she is not willing to stand for in 2022.
Hard Truth #1:
You Are 100% Allowed to Draw Lines
Many people find themselves in relationships where, strangely, their partner often behaves as if they are not in a relationship. This type of behavior includes following people on Instagram, liking photos, and maybe even sliding into DMs when they are feeling extra emboldened. When out with their mates, they often are openly flirty, possibly even collecting numbers and definitely giving the impression of being single.
When called out for this behavior, a typical response is “Oh, it's nothing!” “You’re crazy!” (see our post on ‘Gendered Insults’). You are not crazy. And you have every right to ask for these behaviors to stop, namely because they make you uncomfortable, disrespected and even humiliated. Draw that line.
If the person is not willing to abide by this line, this is a red flag signaling a much bigger issue. You deserve to be respected.
Draw. That. Line.
Hard Truth #2:
There is a difference between ‘Not ready to commit’ and ‘Not ready to commit to you’
Researchers have found that a person generally knows if someone is ‘serious relationship’ or ‘marriage’ material by Day 172 of their relationship, aka just under 6 months. This makes sense given that it takes about three months for the ‘honeymoon period’ to wear off, which is when we start to see the other person’s faults and quirks. Once we know these faults and quirks, we can then decide if they are deal breakers or not.
The good news is that you’ll typically know in under 6 months if someone is right for you.
The bad news is that if you have been with someone for years and years, and you have been longing for more, but they remain ‘unsure’, then this is a sign of a bigger issue that is unlikely to remedy itself with more time.
We are calling this out because you deserve everything, not just a bit. You are worthy of it all. And with each day spent with a person who is ‘unsure’, you are potentially missing out on meeting the person who is your ‘sure’. That person is out there, and by knowing your worth, you’re making it more likely that you’ll find them.
Hard Truth #3:
Ghosting isn’t going away, so remove its power.
The debate and commentary over ghosting is endless, with pretty much everyone agreeing that it is bad, rude, disrespectful and a long list of other negative adjectives.
But as humans, we are biologically programmed to avoid discomfort. When given a choice, our subconscious always gravitates toward the option that involves the least amount of pain, embarrassment or awkwardness.
With the advent of online dating, we know that after a date, we are unlikely to see that person again, say at work or at a social event. This means that it is far too easy to silently move on, avoiding discomfort, and being done with it.
Ghosting is not going away, so instead, remove its power. Set some new boundaries and assumptions in your dating M.O. and suddenly ghosting becomes a non-issue:
Assumption 1: It takes less than 15 seconds to send a message, so being ‘busy’ is no longer an acceptable excuse.
Assumption 2: If a person is genuinely interested, they will not risk jeopardizing a potential relationship by losing touch. They will message.
Assumption 3: If you don’t hear back from someone within one day of a date, they are not interested. Move on. (See Assumption 2).
Assumption 4: If someone does message, but it is after a number of days, they are not interested. Move on. (See Assumption 3).
By setting these new guidelines and happily living by them, ghosting no longer exists. A person is in or out, the clarity is refreshing and empowering. You know your worth and you will not accept spending time with someone who is just not interested.
Because you’re a badass, and you deserve everything.